Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Struggle For Meaning; Why Not Have Joy?

Walking from the bus this morning I saw a crazy looking bug I've never seen before. Really dark gray and long, with a pattern on its back. There the little thing was walking, pretty as you please, right on the side of the road, like it was big.

It made me pause, and I laughed out loud as I passed it, wondering what in the world it was called. Seeing it really cracked me up. And I found the moment of noticing it and wondering where it was going delighted me. And I realized not too many grownups would indulge themselves like that. Laughing at a bug, I mean. Let alone laugh out loud like some kind of crazy person. So then I thought:

WHAT is so embarrassing about feeling joy or delight?

Why are we so dead-set to come off so incredibly COOL that we shortchange ourselves and our emotions? We get so caught up in "appearances" that we can take no pleasure in anything. Or if we do, we "only allow" ourselves to brag about hedonistic pleasures?

It so much easier to be cynical and unhappy. Sure. I know that. It's less effort. We are not involved that way. But by being not-involved we are also isolated. And that's just sad. I am tired of feeling f-ed up and sad. Tired of reveling in that.

There is fun to be had. There is joy and delight to be had, in simple things.

On the way to work, I want to laugh at the interesting bug and wonder where it's going ...

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